serene – calm, peaceful, or tranquil; unruffled:

Serene may seem like an oxymoronic title for this post, given all of the difficulties of the past 5 months! Nevertheless, this is just the message I want to convey to the world during this time.

“For you will go out with joy And be led forth with peace; The mountains and the hills will break forth into shouts of joy before you, And all the trees of the field will clap [their] hands.” – Isaiah 55:12

Verses 2 and 3 of the timeless hymn, ‘The Solid Rock’ are as follows:

When darkness seems to hide His face,
I rest on His unchanging grace;
In every high and stormy gale,
My anchor holds within the veil.

His oath, His covenant, His blood,
Support me in the whelming flood;
When all around my soul gives way,
He then is all my hope and stay.

This is one of my favorite hymns of all time. I know all of the words by heart and, to the chagrin of my children, have been known to sing it at the top of my lungs at any given time of day or night. Did I mention that I do not have ANY type of musical ability? However, I can make a joyful noise and that is what I do…..often. Singing brings so much joy! It releases emotions bottled up inside and brings gladness to the heart. When I sing, it is like letting the darkness out of my lungs with the air that is moving from them when my mouth opens in song. Joy comes through my entire being and it shows on my face, in my hands and is felt in my heart and mind. More than just the joy of singing, this song has been of particular comfort to me because it reminds me that although the world around me can be falling apart, the Lord will always be a solid foundation on which I can depend no matter the storm, trial or heartache. His promises in Christ sustain me. I know that I am safe within my savior’s arms.

Over the course of these past five months people have often asked me how I am surviving this ordeal. My recurrent reply has been that I understand the peace that passes understanding like never before. Although our entire world has been falling apart around us, I firmly believe that the Lord has protected my heart from despair. It is almost as if we have been in a protective bubble. I’m not saying that we have been without trouble or peril. We are obviously walking through a deep valley, but it seems as though the Lord has just protected my heart from falling into the depths of sorrow.

But know that the LORD has set apart the godly man for Himself; The LORD hears when I call to Him.
Tremble, and do not sin; Meditate in your heart upon your bed, and be still. Selah.
Offer the sacrifices of righteousness, And trust in the LORD.
Many are saying, “Who will show us [any] good?” Lift up the light of Your countenance upon us, O LORD!
You have put gladness in my heart, More than when their grain and new wine abound.
In peace I will both lie down and sleep, For You alone, O LORD, make me to dwell in safety. – Psalm 4:3-8

I think in these verses lies the key. It is not that the Lord has somehow ‘magically’ kept me from anguish. It is simply that in my anguish the Lord has lead me to continually call on Him. After all, where ELSE could I turn! He has put gladness in my heart and caused me to lie down in safety. Sadly, this did not come automatically. My normal temperament is one of anxiousness and need for control. In a homeschooling family of 12 there necessarily comes much careful administration. More than this, I LIKE to know what’s going on and have a hand in all of the things that affect my family. However, in these days, I have had to allow others to help with much of the management of our daily affairs. I have had to carefully choose the areas where I must let go or grip tightly. I certainly have not had autonomy over Jon’s cancer or any of the circumstances surrounding his medical treatments. Allowing others to help with these tasks, especially when Jon was in the hospital for a month and I was at his side, has been very difficult. How foolish I have been to think I could control it all! I believe the peace that the Lord placed in my heart throughout this time has been a precious gift from Him. He has taught me to simply do the next thing that is needed and not worry about the unnecessary things. When I look down the road at what lies ahead I am tempted to become overwhelmed with the weight of it all. I have mourned, bemoaned and even resented the passing of our ‘normal’ way of life. I have been the one to question and say “Who will show us [any] good?” But then, the Lord has convicted me of my shallow faith and directed me to the previous verses:

“Tremble, and do not sin; Meditate in your heart upon your bed, and be still. Selah.
Offer the sacrifices of righteousness, And trust in the LORD.“

If I submit to God’s plan and quietly meditate in my heart, be still, offer the sacrifices of righteousness and trust in the Lord, THEN I can pray for the Lord to lift up the light of His countenance upon us! Oh, how He loves us! Oh, how patient He is with our frail stubbornness! This peace did not inexplicably fall on me. It has been a gift from the Lord given in the daily surrender of my heart as He sanctifies me though prayer and reading His Word. It has been a gift given in the daily laying down of my own desires and putting on Christ. This is the daily ‘working out of my salvation in fear and trembling.’

Do you know this Christ? Do you have access to this peace? If you do not, RUN to the Lord. Fall on His grace and mercy and be saved!

Jon is in the middle of his 6 months of chemotherapy treatments. He takes the chemotherapy pills for 5 days in a row and then his body rests from it for 21 days. Then, the next round begins. During these treatments he has an MRI every 2 months to check his progress. He will start the second monthly treatment today. He will take a chemotherapy pill starting today and for the next five days. His next scan will be in early April. The last round of this medicine was pretty tough on his body. It caused him to sleep a lot, food to taste weird and made him constantly cold. These affects have waned over the past weeks, but not completely disappeared. We are bracing for this next round even as we plan for the next months of activity for our family. Will you pray with us?

This is not a sprint! We are in the midst of a marathon. The future is unsure. We wait from MRI to MRI to see what changes have happened in his brain. Have the tumors grown? Have the treatments had any positive results? How will Jon handle the treatments? What will Jon be able to do? How much activity can he sustain? Where does our next provision come from? How do we plan for the next week, month, quarter, year? We do not know the answers to these questions. All of these things and more can be foreboding terrors that would rip apart my resolve if not for the Lord! Here is where the scripture is a great comfort. Psalm 34 has been one that I have returned to over and over in the past 5 months.

“This poor man cried, and the LORD heard him And saved him out of all his troubles.
The angel of the LORD encamps around those who fear Him, And rescues them.
O taste and see that the LORD is good; How blessed is the man who takes refuge in Him!
O fear the LORD, you His saints; For to those who fear Him there is no want.
The young lions do lack and suffer hunger; But they who seek the LORD shall not be in want of any good thing.
Come, you children, listen to me; I will teach you the fear of the LORD.
Who is the man who desires life And loves [length of] days that he may see good?
Keep your tongue from evil And your lips from speaking deceit.
Depart from evil and do good; Seek peace and pursue it.
The eyes of the LORD are toward the righteous And His ears are [open] to their cry.
The face of the LORD is against evildoers, To cut off the memory of them from the earth.
[The righteous] cry, and the LORD hears And delivers them out of all their troubles.
The LORD is near to the brokenhearted And saves those who are crushed in spirit.
Many are the afflictions of the righteous, But the LORD delivers him out of them all.” – Psalm 34:6-19

The LORD is near to the brokenhearted. The LORD is near to ME!

He saves the crushed in spirit. The LORD has saved ME!

Taste and see that the LORD is good. He has been so good to ME!

In Him I will take refuge!

“Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.
And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. ” -Philippians 4:6-7